Biggest Mouths on this Side of the Equator

If you’ve ever met my two littlest brothers, you’ll know that they have two of the biggest mouths on this side of the equator. They’ll let the worst things slip at the worst times. They’ll torture you with your secrets until they break you. They’ll leave you crying for your sanity. One time I had…

Flirting 101

Flirting is the weirdest. When I first tried it I actually had to ask my best friend (who happens to be an experienced guy and my life counsellor) how to do it. He was like: “Try not to be awkward.” “Um, mate, I’m the most awkward person that has ever walked the earth. I’m a…

5 Monumental Group Chat Moments

1. Organising things. (My friend would say organising “gathos“) Organising things on any group chat is like taking a pit of fire ants and letting them crawl into your eye sockets. You’re left there, after a failed attempt to organise a beach trip, with a massive headache and the question of why you even bothered…

School Hacks for the Struggling Human

Hello, my good friends, battlers through the horrors of school. It’s starting to hit exam time, and if you’re anything like most students, you’re starting to plan your fake death using WikiHow and working out approximately how many hours you can set aside for sleeping each night (about 3). But, hold on, before you start…

Why I Have the World’s Best Mum

I know I’m slightly late for Mother’s Day but here’s why I have the World’s Best Mum… Before you all give my weird, half-terrified eyes, I must tell you that my mum has no plans to murder any of her children, well, at least I hope. You’ll see why I had to warn you soon.…

How to Survive My Friends

1. Protect your lunch with your life. Don’t leave your lunchbox unattended or hold your food in your hand for more than 0.3 seconds. It has a 99.9% chance of being taken and brutally eaten. 2. Double tie your shoelaces. Possibly the most useful tip here. Double tie your shoelaces to avoid having to tie…

Confessions

1. I never learned to read the time until I was in grade 5. I don’t know why I didn’t learn earlier. I remember being so proud of myself when I finally managed to do it. 2. I’ve never been to Starbucks. I’m so disappointed in myself. Why haven’t I ever been there? WHAT THE…